Lambent
by idwir
Summary: A continuation of Travis and Katie's story from After the War.
1. Chapter 1

She doesn't remember her first drink, only that she can't stop.

She loves the feeling it gives her, like she doesn't have anything to worry about. People like Drunk Katie. (Travis doesn't.) She wishes it felt just as good after. She wishes she could forget her dead friends like she forgets the night before.

(It doesn't.)

(She can't.)

So as soon as she thinks she feels herself sobering up, she takes another shot, no matter what time of day it is.

It isn't until she quits her job as a receptionist – maybe she was fired, she can't remember – that Travis confronts her.

"Katie," he says. "I think you have a problem."

Through her booze filled haze she can see he has a concerned look on his face but she doesn't want to stop. She can't stop. She tries to focus her eyes on him but she's had a lot to drink since she became unemployed. She sees two, three, five of his head, of the brown leather couch behind him, of everything. "You think I have – a problem?"

Travis sighs. "I _know_ you have a problem." He tries to grab her hand but she whips it away from him. "Katie."

"You're the one with the problem, Travis," Katie retorts. She glares at him, breathing heavily. She feels a bit sick actually but whether it's from drinking or the conversation? She doesn't know.

"I have a problem?" he asks patiently which annoys her even more. How dare he act like he's the calm and rational one? He had never been the calm and rational one. "My only problem right now is you because you're the one with the problem."

She feels the anger spread throughout her body and she yells, "You walk around like everything is okay. You pretend that our brothers and sisters and friends didn't die!" Katie stands up unsteady on her feet and her voice keeps rising. "You didn't even mourn for them at camp! You fucked me and pretended it was normal! We wouldn't be happening if everyone didn't die! And you wake up and go to work and smile and get promotions and you're not you! You – you don't even care! You –"

Travis slams a fist on the table and Katie falls back into her seat. "Me?" his voice is dangerously low and Katie is caught off guard by it. " _I_ am trying, Katie. We can't keep living in the past. We need to live our lives. Do you think any of our friends that died would want this for you? We need to try."

"You haven't even cried once since the day you left me," Katie says as tears stream down her face. She knows he's right but tries to shove the feeling away. She stands up, hand braced on their small square table. "Why?"

He looks sad and tired and defeated. "I have."

She shakes her head. "You're lying."

He stands up and looks her in the eye. "And you held me every time, but …" The end of his sentence is written on his face. _But you don't remember._ She sees how hurt he is, knows he isn't lying. No one is that good of a liar. No one is that twisted.

"What're you saying?" she asks. She backs away from him, her head whirling. "I – I ?"

Then everything goes black for Katie.


	2. Chapter 2

"Pregnant?" Travis is bewildered when the doctor delivers the news. After Katie passed out and hit her head on their small wooden table, he drove her to the hospital.

Travis had stopped having sex with Katie a long time ago. Six months ago to be exact. He didn't want to be sleeping with her if she couldn't remember it in the morning. He decided to leave it to the other guys he suspected she was sleeping with.

He feels his stomach drop and wants to throw up. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts. He tells himself it doesn't matter. This was just confirmation of information he already knew in his heart.

"Are you certain?" he asks anyway, pulling at his shirt collar. Everything is so bright in here and he's too hot. His throat is dry. He wants to cry.

"Yes, I am. Her blood work shows –"

"How far along is she?" Travis stops looking through the small glass window on the door, squeezes the bridge of his nose, bracing for the answer.

* * *

"I don't know what to do, Katie."

She's crying on the bathroom floor. Her body shudders violently and she throws up on herself even though the toilet is right next to her.

Despite the anger and betrayal he feels, he scoops her up in his arms and deposits her into the bathtub. He waits for the water to warm before turning on the showerhead.

Katie sobs. "It c-could be yours."

"There is _no way_ it's mine," Travis reminds her. "We haven't been together in months."

"One month," Katie tells him. She gags before continuing. "You said I was one month along."

"Katie!" Travis is frustrated and so tired of this. "It's been six months!"

She shakes her head. She pushes her wet hair out of her face. "One month ago."

"Have these six months only felt like one to you?" Travis questioned in disbelief. "Have you been so – so, so wasted you lost sense of time, lost sense of _six_ months?"

"The anniversary," Katie cries. "You had sex with me! I remember!"

He glares at her to hide his uncertainty. He remembers the anniversary. He remembers asking his coworker to go out drinking. Remembers waking up in the morning, naked – the worst hangover of his life melting his brain – with a number smeared on his arm. Remembers that he doesn't remember the in between. He had assumed he slept with the girl the number on his arm belonged to. But …

"You're lying."

He hears Katie insisting she's not as he walks away but he doesn't want to hear it.


	3. Chapter 3

She still opens the cupboards when Travis isn't looking even though he dumped all of the alcohol the day they found out she was pregnant. She knows he's reluctant to leave her home alone but he doesn't have a choice. Money has to come from somewhere.

It's Sunday morning when Katie wakes up because someone is pulling her from the comfy spot on the couch she had fallen asleep in and into strong arms. She opens her eyes to a squint, hoping she'll be able to go back to sleep once she determines who is carrying her.

"Travis?" she croaks. "Where've you been all night?"

He looks at her. A look passes over his face but she can't place it. Finally, he tells her, "I got a second job. They asked me to start right away."

She processes the information slowly. Sand fills the crevices of her brain and wraps it in thoughts of more sleep.

Travis places her on their bed and pulls her favorite fluffy white blanket over her. He starts unbuttoning the stiff brown collared shirt he's wearing. When he pulls a plain white collared shirt on in its place, Katie furrows her brows.

"You should come lay down. Get some sleep." _I won't touch you._ She adds the last bit in her mind.

He groans. "Can't." He doesn't look at her. "Got called into the office."

"But it's your day off!"

"Can't afford those anymore," he replies. "Not with twins on the way."

"Trav –"

"Go back to sleep, Katie." With that he's out the door.


End file.
